It’s officially been 2 months since I returned to a 9 to 5. That’s right the reason it’s been so quiet around here is because I’m no longer working from home. I feel so blessed to have been able to provide for my family as long as I did while being able to stay home with the kiddos. Both Marcus and I knew this day would come, the day I’d return to working outside the home. The time where I’d no longer be with my babies 24/7. It’s been an emotional transition for me.
9yrs ago when I decided to stay home with the kids I felt like a failure. I was home doing what I felt was nothing. That was part of the mental conditioning we grow up with. I believed that staying home to raise kids was wack and showed no ambition. I use to think “Like who seriously wants to stay home to raise kids?” I felt anger and saw my dreams slipping away. I no longer was finishing my education and the job of my dreams was no longer possible. In all honesty, I felt like my life was over. It was sad. 23year old me was very selfish then.
In 9 years I’ve learned just how wrong I was. I never worked harder in my life. I’m an overachiever and if being home wasn’t fulfilling me personally, I felt like I had to do something. I jumped at the chance of creating GUB an unknown territory that would soon reap some of my proudest achievements.
I learned a few things being a work at home mom. I learned a lot about myself what I’m capable of and who I truly was. I learned to balance mom life, wife life, working life. And the truth is there is no balance. It wasn’t easy and I constantly had to reinvent the routine but I learned most what worked for our family, for me, and for my marriage. It wasn’t easy. Talk about mental, physical and emotional exhaustion. Being my own boss was a constant battle with a blurred line. My days were long but my nights were longer. It was all worth it to see my kids grow up and never miss a moment. I feel extremely privileged for the time I had with them and with Marcus.
Like I said I had never worked harder in my life. There were huge life lessons on friendship, self-worth, and even humbleness. Asking for help was never an option. I mean, come on, I was working from home! How dare I ask for help… ya that’s the mentally I was still working through. SMH!
Best of all, I learned how to be a mom on my terms. I raised Bailey and Cecilia for 9yrs being there at every moment and while I mourn the chance to do it again with Damian, I know that he is benefiting from being with family too. I feel ok knowing I was home for at least a year with him. How lucky am I?
My family has really been there for us in this transition. Grandma and Papuchoni continue to spoil them which has been good and bad but that’s the joy of being back home. I also have some pretty amazing brothers. My kids were tutored and cared for all summer by my brother who is well on his way to becoming a great math teacher. His patience is one I wish I had more of. I can’t say enough how thankful we are for my family to step in during this time because it really happened in a blink of an eye. And my other two brothers continue to be some dope uncles. It’s funny one of my brothers said hey you watched me when I was a baby now I get to watch your babies and your babies will babysit mine one day. HA that 11yr gap though!
It’s crazy! One minute we just arrived from Jersey the next I’m being offered a job of a lifetime. We are so thankful for these blessings. I couldn’t have possibly been able to do all we do without the support of Marcus and our families.
Did I mention GrandMommy and PopPop (Marcus’ parents) stayed an additional 2 weeks once we arrived from our cross-country road trip, ya! They helped us get settled and we got to enjoy the first few weeks with them being tourists.
In the end, I took the last two months to really decide how I wanted to continue with GUB. GUB will be 8YRS OLD this December can you even believe it?
I reflected on the fact that we started off as a military family diary, sharing our family daily life, to this amazing community of families like us who are mixed heritage sharing the things we love and enjoy to do with our families. GUB is our special place where I will continue to share the things our family loves and does and how we celebrate and eat. The core of it all is raising happy kids in a world where their identity will be questioned and where we try to bring some “normalization” to mixed heritage life by having the discussions ahead of time with topics that we know will take place in the lifetime.
Today I feel content with who my kids are growing up to be, how confident they are in themselves. We will continue to share our family life and hope you continue to come along for our journey.
Thank you for your constant support, GUBfam!